tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58314162024-03-12T23:44:27.131-03:00Becoming Forever"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real." - Iris MurdochCrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.comBlogger313125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-72046335555599760672023-07-02T14:28:00.001-03:002023-07-02T14:28:29.598-03:00Cradle to HearthCradle of earth,<div>Crucible of fire,</div><div>Mirror of water,</div><div>and Weather of wind.</div><div>A princess cries from deep below,</div><div>A prince recalls their summer's air,</div><div>A queen portends his moonlit fall,</div><div>To delve below the winter's snow,</div><div>A knight springs up and lights their hearth.</div>CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-28192189594657763082013-06-12T21:09:00.001-03:002013-06-12T21:09:55.880-03:00Have you ever<p dir="ltr">Asked yourself if building the thing you are building is the toughest thing you ever built?</p>
CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-59504620336959736412012-12-04T21:50:00.001-04:002012-12-04T21:50:55.749-04:00I'm back!CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-63440056285488215862007-10-12T23:32:00.000-03:002007-10-13T00:04:48.283-03:00Desintegración en la danza del graneroA moment of time where trying to stop<br />Allowed us to see something had started<br />Speaking of why we shouldn't<br />Allowed us to hear why we should<br />The empty feeling of separation<br />Demanded reunion<br />The cold concrete below us<br />Became a warm roadside huddle<br />And so the end was the beginning<br />Of constant reminiscing<br />And continual evolutionCrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-22342864015382075452007-10-10T00:14:00.000-03:002007-10-10T00:32:20.216-03:00Matters of TrustI have a strong attachment to people who matter to me. <br />Very few people come along and bring about that feeling.<br />When someone does, I start to fear the return to living without that feeling.<br />Most of my life has been lived without that feeling.<br />I get lost in the fear.<br />I forget what made them matter in the first place.<br />I begin to fear that I chose for them to matter.<br />If I don't trust my own feelings,<br />How can I tell myself I am capable of anything even resembling<br />LoveCrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-41153585739016068322007-10-09T23:51:00.000-03:002007-10-10T00:12:18.777-03:00More Questions?Do you ever question your motives?<br />Do you ever wonder if it is right or if you just really want it to be right?<br />Do you ever let what feels right to you matter more than what might be right for another?<br />Do you have trouble being without trying to be?<br />Do you know what you want?<br />Do you know how you feel?<br />Do you know why you feel?<br />Are your desires fueled by fear?<br />Can you ever be certain of anything?<br />How do you act in the face of uncertainty?<br />How do you trust with so many egos involved?CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-82531270692265143652007-08-13T22:50:00.001-03:002007-08-13T22:54:52.960-03:00Bob's Remix Stuck in my HeadSun is shining, the weather is sweet, yeah<br />Make you wanna move your dancing feet now<br />When the mornin´ gather the rainbow,<br />Want you to know, I'm a rainbow too<br />To the rescue, here I am<br />Want you to know, y'all, can you understand?<br />Sun is shining, the weather is sweet yeah<br />Make you wanna move your dancing feet now<br />When the mornin´ gather the rainbow,<br />Want you to know, I'm a rainbow too<br />To the rescue, here I am<br />Want you to know, y'all, can you understand?<br />Do you believe me? (x 5)<br />I'm a rainbow too (x 7)<br />But to the rescue, here I am<br />Want you to know just if you can, here I stand<br />To the rescue, here I am<br />Want you to know, y'all, can you understand?<br />[Sun is shining, the weather is sweet yeah<br />Make you wanna move your dancing feet now]<br />To the rescue, here I am<br />Want you to know, y'all, can you understand?<br />[When the mornin´ gather the rainbow,<br />Want you to know, I'm a rainbow too]CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-73119783163559330322007-08-12T21:12:00.000-03:002007-08-12T21:37:48.579-03:00New and EmptyIf full moons are the beginning of an end then new moons are an end and a beginning. Knowing what has just finished and what is to start isn't so intuitive, or perhaps it is if you allow it to be. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Grappling</span> with it keeps me awake at night wanting the answers rather than getting prepared for them to reveal themselves. I forgot how wanting things hurts so much keeping me reliving the past and anxious about the future. The present just feels a little empty at the moment. I must be missing something.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-82859949200832844992007-08-07T15:00:00.000-03:002007-08-07T15:45:52.235-03:00Fleeting MomentsI’m tired of trying, tired of wanting, tired of thinking, tired of hurting, tired of being tired. I once found a place within myself which accepted an apology for a pattern of disrespectful behaviour. It is that same place that aches when I am afraid; afraid of judgment, afraid others will suffer, afraid to lose her again. I listened to that place within quietly and patiently and felt a deep subtle and persistent shiver. An ever present tremble only perceived with diligent and vigilant observation. I can’t always feel it but I know it’s there. Every now and again it gets amplified to an appreciable level; an overwhelming fear that the peace, connection, wonder, and security will come to an abrupt end. I hate living in the fear. I fight it with pride but this also takes me away from the peace. Those feelings of love become fleeting moments. Then I remember to live in the peace, feel the connection, experience the wonder, and be certain of the security, but by then she is gone again. I try to pick up the pieces and put them back together a little more beautifully than before. Perhaps some day she’ll return.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-12963581966766495402007-02-23T15:28:00.000-04:002007-02-23T15:34:29.975-04:00Fresh pain<p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;color:navy;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10;color:navy;" ><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >Focus on fresh pain<o:p></o:p><br />(Not ancient pain as a child <o:p></o:p><br />instinctively fearing primal sensation,<o:p></o:p><br />Not old pain as an adolescent <o:p></o:p><br />fearfully reacting to recognized experience,<o:p></o:p><br />Not new pain as an adult <o:p></o:p><br />reactively clinging to familiar habit,<o:p></o:p><br />But fresh pain as wisdom <o:p></o:p><br />impartially observing<o:p></o:p><br />the impermanence of body and mind,<o:p></o:p><br />the ignorance of certainty,<o:p></o:p><br />and the cyclic patterns of existence)<o:p></o:p><br />For just beyond awaits reality.</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1168182807552363252007-01-07T10:30:00.000-04:002007-01-07T11:16:21.236-04:00Simple MindfulnessAlmost two years ago I had a profound experience and as a subtle reminder to myself I added a link here on this blog under the "Listen" header on the sidebar. The link points to the lyrics to the song <em>Don' t You (forget about me) </em>by Simple Minds. These lyrics popped into my head around that time in my life and encourage me to remember. The memory I encourage myself to reconnect with is not one I can distill down to a catch phrase or linguistically expressible statement of truth. The memory is of an experience, of who really experienced it, and how it was experienced. The difficulty of remembering this experience is that the memory is not what was burned in abstracted neurological engrams but the raw input itself; the experiencer not a controlling part of this psyche but the distributed whole; and the experience not tainted by historical bias, or judgment but free of reactive duality. Thus the memory is not to be revisited to analyze the past or to plan for the future but only to remember that the present moment exists.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1162432621737121272006-11-01T21:34:00.000-04:002006-11-01T21:57:01.753-04:00First time againWhere is all of this going? What am I building again? Do I do what feels right or just make sure that I feel it when it feels wrong? There are tensions physical and mental that need to be let go of. Easier said than done when you realize that the tension is not a result of holding on but it is the holding on, it is the desire for a lack of tension, it is the illusion that there is some distinction between the observer and his predicament. I oscillate between amusing myself to death, horse blinded labouring, and inert contemplation. I take myself way too seriously. I'm moving for the first time in over a year and a half, headed to the other side of the ocean for the first time and I have very few preconceptions about how it will go. I forgot how writing about yourself forces you to ask yourself questions you tend to avoid. I've met so many good people over the past few years but most of them have moved on. Bringing an old friend into my little world. Random thoughts should coalesce soon.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1144502086567203682006-03-30T22:14:00.000-04:002006-04-08T10:14:46.566-03:00That Bloody MoonGets me every time!CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1142871062833507602006-03-20T12:11:00.000-04:002006-03-20T12:11:02.913-04:00Awareness before ActionThe word holistic gets thrown around quite a bit these days but I’m not sure that many people fully understand what it means. When I think of holistic I think of operating in a massively parallel and non-linear fashion. This language may not make a whole lot of sense. When I say massively parallel I mean inclusive and concurrent in time, space, and scale; all things simultaneously considered. Non-linear meaning letting go of the idea that you have seen it all before, that what you are experiencing can be completely predicted or understood with a finite number of variables or an existing set of categories and forms; take care in the degree to which you extrapolate and interpolate your past understandings into the present moment. I may have said this here before but I will repeat it: Nothing much matters but everything.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1141654294949906502006-03-06T10:11:00.000-04:002006-03-17T17:29:31.330-04:00What a ToolI was at a small art opening at a local gallery the other night and I got to talking with the artist. There were a handful of pieces that had a particular impact on me and I wanted to ask her about motive, message, and meaning. She answered with only the physical and logistical challenges of making and transporting the works. I asked again in a slightly different manner and again only details of the process of creation. This reinforced the idea that we are but tools of a creative force that we do not understand. We are the brush of a mysterious muse. Do we understand sufficiently our implement before arogantly removing it from the hand of its steward to wield ourselves?CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1140145604864349772006-02-16T23:06:00.000-04:002006-02-16T23:14:25.256-04:00Be HappyI sit.<br />Gross apparent surface;<br />Painful and personal;<br />Coarse, blunt, and abstracted;<br />Continuously ignorant;<br />Fearfuly distracted;<br />Desiring escape.<br />I remember.<br />Subtilty lives beneath;<br />Dispassionate and equanimous;<br />Fine, sharp, and fresh;<br />Occasionaly present;<br />Bravely attentive;<br />Escaping desire.<br />Be.<br />Beyond conditioned relativity;<br />Detached and impermanent;<br />Unask the question;<br />Never and always;<br />Ultimate truth.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1137256021330176532006-01-14T12:27:00.000-04:002006-01-14T12:27:01.400-04:00Lunar ConvergenceThere is a very beautiful feeling that comes with taking the time to do something that deep down you have known you should do for some time.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1136531471958197422006-01-06T03:11:00.000-04:002006-01-24T10:05:38.353-04:00On DualityI got to reading about ontology after pondering a friends predilection to use the word semantic. The papers and definitions I was reading pointed out differing schools of thought regarding the differentiation between entities and collections of entities and asked the question "What categories of being are fundamental?" I prefer to think of every human conceived entity as a categorization and that fundamental being or existence is that which is without categorization. Us humans seem to have difficulty with non dualist concepts like this. How can we understand that which is not categorizable? It requires a different form of understanding than we commonly acknowledge using. One based on the experience of intuitive recognition rather than logic. Perhaps the ability to recognize the uncategorizable stems from the fact that we are the uncategorizable.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1136424890777339292006-01-04T21:34:00.000-04:002006-01-04T21:36:13.940-04:00ThriveI will not blame my miseries on the words or actions of others.<br />I will not unearth the past to triumph in the present.<br />I will not make excuses for genuine inadequacy.<br />I will develop a deeper connection over time.<br />I will grow and learn on my own terms and schedules.<br />I will at times step back so as to move forward.<br /><br />Strong relationships are built upon sharing what you have experienced of yourself rather than what you believe to have understood of anything else.<br />Healthy relationships are built upon the ability to accept and see past weakness rather than reacting to it as if you could demand that it disappear.<br />Thriving relationships lack expectations of strength and health.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1134571894596293702005-12-14T10:51:00.000-04:002005-12-14T10:51:34.683-04:00Indistinguishably FreshEvery day I wake up fresh
<br />Which depending on my mood
<br />Might mean being quite stale.
<br />The burden of choice only recognized
<br />When I chose outside of my pattern;
<br />A choice to be made noticed
<br />Or long ago choice remembered.
<br />Regular surrender to the status quo,
<br />Usually,
<br />Except for right now
<br />Except for right here.
<br />I can feel creativity swirling inside
<br />Certainly everything I’ve tried
<br />Was necessary but not sufficient.
<br />Mine the past for a new trajectory,
<br />Hypothesize being wise
<br />And experiment my effect.
<br />A patience virtuoso
<br />Rushing cautiously to the starting line.
<br />My own private Frankenstein
<br />Living proof of life
<br />Indistinguishable from the rest.
<br />CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1134441765588047822005-12-12T22:42:00.000-04:002005-12-12T22:42:45.643-04:00The Ignorance BetweenHere is my mind
<br />Here is my body
<br />Each a specific
<br />instance of the other
<br />Thought of feeling
<br />Feeling of thought
<br />Pain of fear
<br />Fear of pain
<br />Love of lust
<br />Lust for love
<br />I can't explain it
<br />I can barely feel
<br />myself thinkCrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1134094411551877932005-12-08T22:13:00.000-04:002005-12-08T22:13:31.600-04:00HypocrisyIt's almost that time of year for me to remind myself of what I know and refresh the faculties of insight. My yearly Mecca which started at Suttama and continued at Surabhi is looking to be at Dhara this coming January. Submitting the application is part of a clarity that is coming over me. Perhaps I will once again walk the walk that I so love to talk.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1130719038647912572005-10-30T21:37:00.000-04:002005-11-01T21:18:39.926-04:00I am the WindAnticipating gust and gale<br />Knowing when to trim the sail<br />Flowing on the crest of time<br />Trying to evoke sublime.<br /><br />I am the Wind, I am not me<br />I live by watching myself see<br />Allowing now to feed what will<br />While letting full to self refill.<br /><br />Valuations of the past<br />Firmly set can be recast<br />Not by implement of rule<br />The Wind, not I, must be the tool.<br /><br />Duality must reunite<br />Abandoning the flight and fight<br />By being present and aware<br />Mindful now and everywhere.<br /><br />The will can only be a guide<br />It cannot force a change inside<br />It is a branch and not the root<br />It must surrender absolute.<br /><br />This Wind is not a thing but all<br />And understanding is too small<br />To comprehend in just one place<br />The entirety of time and space.<br /><br />I am the Wind, I am not me<br />This experience sets me free<br />Pride and Fear have me undone<br />But not when Wind and I are one.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1130460874387251492005-10-27T23:00:00.000-03:002005-10-27T22:10:05.506-03:00Excerpts from a DrawingIntertwined with<br />independence and connected<br />to every nothing and making sense<br />of the eternity of limited fields of<br />fatigue soaked long johns and marshmallow<br />suppers with grassy hills and glassy villes<br />Regret for choices imagined permanent and<br />consequences to die for when addiction spans<br />and consumes causing writhing confusion within<br />concerning promises made and continuously broken<br />Exhausted energy cycles spiral wastefully away<br />as genuine souls deplete infinite wells<br />of grounded reality as they come<br />and go and take and leave<br />intangible measures of<br />moments and sublime<br />time.<br /><br />Around and around we go. Pain. Anticipate pain. Know pain. Embrace pain. Love pain.<br />And go and go and go. Fear. The lesson of pain is a lesson in fear. Same same.<br />This time. This time. This time. This time we will<br />make the leap, make the<br />discovery, make the<br />connection, make<br />love.<br /><br />What needs to be said?<br />Who are you angry at?<br />Don't be so hard on yourself.<br /><br />Oh joy. Why am I so happy?<br />Is it real or<br />Just imagined<br />Wishful<br />Narrow minded<br />Hope?<br /><br />Void<br />filled with nothing<br />overflowing with<br />the rest and<br />made complete<br />by saying<br />so<br /><br />Necessary and sufficient<br />Absolute and absolutely<br />Happy Happy Happy<br /><br />I can't believe<br />I can't deceive<br />I can't relieve<br />I can't grieve<br />I can't leave.<br /><br />A story<br />that begins<br />with the end,<br />has no middle,<br />and goes nowhere<br />but here, written by<br />the protagonist, edited<br />by the devil, and<br />it's a best seller.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831416.post-1127792394169933232005-09-27T00:39:00.000-03:002021-03-14T12:12:36.474-03:00Resourceful PartnershipDo you think what you feel and feel what you think? Do you know what you sense and sense what you know? Are you being what you are? New is hard. I need a guide. A mentor. A friend. A partner. A fool. I dream of clarity. I long for peace. I work for sustainability. My dreams are cloudy. My desires are conflictual. My labour is depleting. Trying too hard as usual.CrowMagnumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01992347785030446985noreply@blogger.com0