First time again

Where is all of this going? What am I building again? Do I do what feels right or just make sure that I feel it when it feels wrong? There are tensions physical and mental that need to be let go of. Easier said than done when you realize that the tension is not a result of holding on but it is the holding on, it is the desire for a lack of tension, it is the illusion that there is some distinction between the observer and his predicament. I oscillate between amusing myself to death, horse blinded labouring, and inert contemplation. I take myself way too seriously. I'm moving for the first time in over a year and a half, headed to the other side of the ocean for the first time and I have very few preconceptions about how it will go. I forgot how writing about yourself forces you to ask yourself questions you tend to avoid. I've met so many good people over the past few years but most of them have moved on. Bringing an old friend into my little world. Random thoughts should coalesce soon.