Sunday, January 23, 2005

Starting Something?

Still in Van. Still working on finding an income of some sort. I'm heading to the local Vipassana centre for a ten day sitting starting on Wednesday. It has been a year since my first and last course so it would seem that I am due. I'm looking forward to the experience. I feel good, like I'm starting to embrace rather than resist uncertainty. For now at least. I have an interview on Tuesday, nothing too serious but it's a start. This coming full moon is feeling better than the last few.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sure Thing

Are you certain? You talk like you are. You act like you are. You think like you are. You know what you want, you know what's best, you know how it is. You always have the answer. Listen to yourself. Watch yourself. Experience your thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, there is more to it than you know.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Say it like it is

There is a difference between what you say and how you say it. Filtering what you say is a far simpler task than filtering how you say it. How you say things is a strong indicator of what you really think, how you feel, and who you are. To change that is not a simple matter of choice. It seems we are often more concerned with the surface and fail to address the core. We need to work on being rather than appearing to be.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Running on Empty

Haven't been writing much in here lately. New city, new year, new moon; same old gut wrenching internal conflict, uncertainty, confusion, loneliness, and fog. Still working on the practical side of things I understand mostly at a conceptual level. Implementation is meant to be a rough and difficult process.

I was thinking about all the connections and disconnections of my life and felt a combination of appreciation and longing. Simultaneously full and empty feelings. It's hard not to focus on the empty. It's hard not to give in to the empty. It's hard not to become attached to the empty. It's hard to accept the empty without believing that it needs to be filled with anything other than understanding.

I've got a backlog of things I want to express. Building your own metaphors, trying to find it is how you lost it in the first place, comfort zone horizons, and pride destroying your strengths. I'm going to try to get back to the book.

I've been playing with this little idea of life-cycles. At first I was thinking of them as ABCABCABC... I'm starting to think that it is more like ABCCBAABC... or something like that. Perhaps a different notation could be used like ABCC'B'A'A''B''C''. I'll have to elaborate later.

Enough jibber-jabber. Happy New Year everyone, lets make it one worth remembering.