Wow. I just opened up a file I use on my computer to compose blog entries while offline and found a strange little entry that never made it out onto the internets. A reminder of a fragmented frame of mind that is not so far behind me.
I don’t always share the intimate details of the extreme highs and lows of my life on this site. Instead, I try and capture the thoughts and/or feelings from a moment of epiphany; I try to distill my experience down to an atomic tidbit of learning; I try to inoculate my readers with the antidote to what plagues me; I try, I try, I try.
There are periods of time where I don't share anything as I have yet to learn anything worth sharing. Perhaps there is more gold in the process of finding answers than in the answers themselves; I don’t know the answers I only have the means to find them; I can't find the answers I can only find my answers; My strength is not in my answers but in the will to continue amidst unanswered questions.
I've been processing quite a lot of stuff over the past few weeks. I can't explain what I mean by that but your interpretation of processing most likely doesn't come close to it. I started to try to explain my experience of beginning to experience life as it is, but I couldn't. I could describe joy and pain, fear and desire, words and images, or blockage and release. I could say nerves, energy, breath, oxygen, balance, mind, body, or consciousness. I could talk about patterns, change, non-intellectual learning, surrender, flow, recursion, metaphor. How do you describe something beyond description?
I can't give you what you already have: I can only ask you to look. Stop running away from yourself. Stop medicating your predicament. Stop reacting. Stop justifying. Stop pitying. Let go of certainty, pride, and prejudice. Trust and respect. Focus and pay attention. Stop learning the same thing over and over and over again. Take off your blinders and look life in the eyes, through the eyes, and between the eyes.