First time again

Where is all of this going? What am I building again? Do I do what feels right or just make sure that I feel it when it feels wrong? There are tensions physical and mental that need to be let go of. Easier said than done when you realize that the tension is not a result of holding on but it is the holding on, it is the desire for a lack of tension, it is the illusion that there is some distinction between the observer and his predicament. I oscillate between amusing myself to death, horse blinded labouring, and inert contemplation. I take myself way too seriously. I'm moving for the first time in over a year and a half, headed to the other side of the ocean for the first time and I have very few preconceptions about how it will go. I forgot how writing about yourself forces you to ask yourself questions you tend to avoid. I've met so many good people over the past few years but most of them have moved on. Bringing an old friend into my little world. Random thoughts should coalesce soon.

That Bloody Moon

Gets me every time!

Awareness before Action

The word holistic gets thrown around quite a bit these days but I’m not sure that many people fully understand what it means. When I think of holistic I think of operating in a massively parallel and non-linear fashion. This language may not make a whole lot of sense. When I say massively parallel I mean inclusive and concurrent in time, space, and scale; all things simultaneously considered. Non-linear meaning letting go of the idea that you have seen it all before, that what you are experiencing can be completely predicted or understood with a finite number of variables or an existing set of categories and forms; take care in the degree to which you extrapolate and interpolate your past understandings into the present moment. I may have said this here before but I will repeat it: Nothing much matters but everything.

What a Tool

I was at a small art opening at a local gallery the other night and I got to talking with the artist. There were a handful of pieces that had a particular impact on me and I wanted to ask her about motive, message, and meaning. She answered with only the physical and logistical challenges of making and transporting the works. I asked again in a slightly different manner and again only details of the process of creation. This reinforced the idea that we are but tools of a creative force that we do not understand. We are the brush of a mysterious muse. Do we understand sufficiently our implement before arogantly removing it from the hand of its steward to wield ourselves?

Be Happy

I sit.
Gross apparent surface;
Painful and personal;
Coarse, blunt, and abstracted;
Continuously ignorant;
Fearfuly distracted;
Desiring escape.
I remember.
Subtilty lives beneath;
Dispassionate and equanimous;
Fine, sharp, and fresh;
Occasionaly present;
Bravely attentive;
Escaping desire.
Be.
Beyond conditioned relativity;
Detached and impermanent;
Unask the question;
Never and always;
Ultimate truth.

Lunar Convergence

There is a very beautiful feeling that comes with taking the time to do something that deep down you have known you should do for some time.

On Duality

I got to reading about ontology after pondering a friends predilection to use the word semantic. The papers and definitions I was reading pointed out differing schools of thought regarding the differentiation between entities and collections of entities and asked the question "What categories of being are fundamental?" I prefer to think of every human conceived entity as a categorization and that fundamental being or existence is that which is without categorization. Us humans seem to have difficulty with non dualist concepts like this. How can we understand that which is not categorizable? It requires a different form of understanding than we commonly acknowledge using. One based on the experience of intuitive recognition rather than logic. Perhaps the ability to recognize the uncategorizable stems from the fact that we are the uncategorizable.

Thrive

I will not blame my miseries on the words or actions of others.
I will not unearth the past to triumph in the present.
I will not make excuses for genuine inadequacy.
I will develop a deeper connection over time.
I will grow and learn on my own terms and schedules.
I will at times step back so as to move forward.

Strong relationships are built upon sharing what you have experienced of yourself rather than what you believe to have understood of anything else.
Healthy relationships are built upon the ability to accept and see past weakness rather than reacting to it as if you could demand that it disappear.
Thriving relationships lack expectations of strength and health.